While touring the former royal palace in Johdpur I encountered the personal palm reader and astrologer of the royal court and allegedly the Maharajah himself. Access to the royal palm reader seemed like too unique of an opportunity to pass up so I decided to find out what stories my hands had to tell. I have to admit that after 15 minutes this guy was able to reveal some astounding information to me. Apparently I have been living my life all wrong, either that or I have been mistakenly using someone else’s hands my whole life.

Here is some of the information that was “revealed” by my hands.

My first marriage failed because my heart was restless.
     Hmmm… must have slept through that because I don’t remember ever being married.

I have a weak stomach that is very sensitive.
     Apparently the ability to eat or drink just about anything with no side effects makes me sensitive. Ladies take note I’m a sensitive guy!

I am not a risk taker and I often think things over for many days before I make a decision.
     I felt like telling the guy I thought this palm reading was too much of a risk and we should stop right now.

My most successful years in work will be 40 – 45.
     Damn I suppose this means I will have to get a job again one day.

I will be married (again?) when I am 37.
     Message to future wife – please inform me we are married in a very obvious manner as I missed my first marriage.

I’m not eating enough calcium, otherwise I’m in perfect health.
     Not sure how he divined this bit of physiological info, but I’ll be sure to drink more lassie.

I will become a teacher to many.
     I wonder if he knew about the village in China I taught to put lime in their beer.

I am a very serious person who suffers from black moods and headaches.
     Really? I wonder if this will entitle me to a special parking sticker when I get home.

I will be taking a long journey in the future.
     This was a wild speculation considering I live in the US and I’m now in India. So decided to play with him a bit and explained I was very afraid to travel, but he assured me that the journey would still happen. I began to wonder if he was referring to the journey back from the land of bullshit he had taken me to.

All in all I have to say I’d probably have been more confident in 10 fortune cookies. I now understood why the present Maharaja has lost his sovereign kingdom.